Might as well laugh about it,
My long association with game calls would make the Rolaid salesman at a chili contest cry. I have been screeching and whining at game for ages now, and never had lots of luck at it. For some reason the calls that I buy aren’t any good. I have just about decided that it is a plot. The call vendors get my order for a crow call, then they smirk and put a dying puppy wolf call in the crow call box before they ship it.
I have known, or at least long suspected this to be true. The latest attempt to drive me to drink came in the form of a Tru-Flex coyote call and rabbit distress call. There never has been a rabbit that sounded like the bunny call in that pack. Not even in the Stone Age when rabbits weighed half a ton and were carnivores.
Even at that the rabbit call was lots more useful than the coyote call. I hooted the Pleistocene rabbit call and was flogged by a flotilla of crows. Even to me it sounded like a perfect baby crow distress call. Can’t shoot at crows with a 22WMR rifle though. At least not on the wing. I must have been hid rather well though, because the next thing that happened was a damn bat lit on me. Those things have sticky little fish hook claws that are surprisingly hard to shake off the arm of a jacket. I won’t even pretend that the thing coming had anything to do with that abomination of a rabbit distress call. Looking on the bright side; at least a bat was better than having to run home while being chased by a carnivorous cave rabbit.
And the coyote call. I gave the thing a honk or two and decided that the joker at the call plant had decided to screw with me by sending a goose call. Even a coyote with strep throat never had a voice that low pitched. I peevishly yanked the call apart and clipped and tweaked with the reed until it wouldn’t make a sound at all. Well, it would make a hiss, so I suppose I could call a leaky bicycle tire with it.
So I thought; what is the reed but a piece of plastic? Then I saw that the call came packed in some nice flexy looking plastic. A light came on. I cut a new reed out of the packaging and put it back in the call. Sounds lots better. At least enough so I can bark like a coyote with it. Or so I thought.
The local coyote glee club had just gotten together the night before and serenaded me not more than 40 yards from my house while I was watching a movie inside. I decided to sing along the next night. From my stand I attempted to coyote bark a few times. The first series met with stony silence. Then after 10 minutes I tried a few barks with a short howl. That did it. Every squirrel in the woods came bounding out of their beds and started swearing at me. Anybody want a sure-fire imr modified squirrel call?
Somehow I do manage to kill a coyote now and then. I play recorded coyote calls on a netbook computer with the volume jacked up. They won’t come to it either, but I usually set up near the only water source in the area. Thirsty coyotes have kept me in business so far. Sooner or later I probably will buy another coyote call. How else can I get some more plastic packaging material to make another reed?
Your pal,
imr4198